Lately I have been seeing more and more sex aired from video clips, movies, glossy magazines and advertisements. A very massive and ubiquitous pattern.
Sex is everywhere you look. All media sources are literally obsessed with sex and are racing against each other to expose objects of lust, passion, seduction, and envy.
In all magazines you can easily find at least one article on how to become even more sexy, how to satisfy yourself or your date with a new super sensational technique, how to capture the attention of hundreds of men or women, and so on.
Sex is not broadcast selectively, but everywhere and absolutely for everyone. Even as a child, when I was 7 years old, I already had my own collection of Barbie dolls, which formed the erotic image that I, like every girl, should aspire to in my immature childlike consciousness in order to become an object of desire and erotic fantasies of men.
Sexuality and the subject of sex are no longer a taboo topic, it walks freely through 
real and virtual cities. And there is nothing wrong with this, I think this is great progress, when the topic of sex is no longer something forbidden, shameful and unnatural.
But in real life, not everything is as sexy and glamorous as it is in the tarnished advertisements and movie industry. Many beautiful, intelligent and charming women who come to my women’s programs are not happy with how their sexuality and feminine essence. And very many of them don’t feel sexy in general.
As a psychologist, I often have to deal with topics that are very vulnerable not only to outsiders, but to myself as well. And it’s not a revelation to me that most women and men don’t live their sexuality, don’t know it, and, moreover, unconsciously suppress it.
But let’s face it. We are all born with sex, which means we are sexy and attractive to begin with. We were born with it, and it’s not an external quality in the first place, but an internal one. It’s a quality that’s available to everyone human being and that allows us to enjoy not only sex, but also ourselves, everything you touch.
Sexuality covers a very wide spectrum of life and it is like a life-giving force that charges your actions, your image, your behavior, your voice, your laughter, your movements and your surroundings. And sexuality allows us not only to look sexy, attracting men or women, but also to realize ourselves in creativity, to be more successful and cheerful.
However, let’s go back to that state of mind when our sexuality is repressed and asexual behavior takes over. These are the behaviors and attitudes that bury our source of sexuality and with it all of our inner strength.
I’m not as beautiful or attractive as that girl on the cover.
Virtually every woman has this comparative attitude. Especially nowadays, when the image of super beauty is so firmly fixed to the polished faces and figures in glossy magazines. Everyone firmly believes that these girls from magazines are the standard of sexuality.
And that is why many beautiful women start to bury themselves in their own fabricated imperfections, fight with contrived imperfections of appearance and figure and unwaveringly believe that everything is fundamentally wrong with them and they are walking to the moon to be sexy.
How many women around me think that their body is imperfect, their eyes are too small and unexpressive, neither the cut nor the color, their legs are short or fat, their butt is too big or too small, their chest is flat or too big, their lips, nose, stomach, hair, etc., etc. How can anyone pay attention to you, with such flaws, or even look in your direction?
And even if this happens, and you suddenly find a man’s attention on you, you are likely to consider it a misunderstanding or, simply, try to avoid further developments. How could such a man find me interesting? Surely he will soon be disappointed in me when he gets a better look at me and see for himself how unattractive I am! And that’s no joke. That’s exactly what a lot of people think.
Changing the way we think.
Our main mistake is that all our attention goes to just what we do not like, instead of starting to think about what we like about ourselves and what our strengths. If you constantly think only about your shortcomings, even as a beautiful woman, it will become very difficult to please men.
Among other things, we have become so attached to compulsive images of sexuality that we have lost our own taste, everything has become formulaic, and we bravely and arrogantly try to fit ourselves into this template mold of beauty. But sexy women do not imply the image of 90/60/90 with other ensuing consequences. Moreover, the image of a Barbie or a blow-up doll gets bored and boring very quickly.
Denial
Let’s talk about compliments. How do you react when you hear a compliment to your address? How much are you able to take it and
enjoy it? A compliment is a very powerful tool that brings people together and promotes further intimacy.
And just at this very important part of the development of the relationship, many women include their denial and non-acceptance of compliments, thereby depriving themselves of the opportunity to hear them again.
Trace your reactions when you receive a compliment, perhaps you will find yourself in these variations:
You are surprised or say something like:
Come on, that’s not about me…
Really?
You try to quickly change the subject of the conversation.
Pretend you didn’t hear the compliment.
You’re flattering me.
What do you say, I haven’t washed my hair today, and this color doesn’t suit me, and the weather is not right today, and I’m not in the best mood, etc.
As a result, women put a ban on compliments addressed to them and the next time a man is likely to think 10 times before you say something like that. From then on, the compliments will go to another woman who will gratefully accept them as a confirmation of her sexuality and charm. In the meantime, you will become even more convinced that you are not worthy of men’s attention and that the compliment was not the right one.
The right girl
Many women get acquainted with the man they liked instead of enjoying the flirtation and easy communication, make an acquaintance into an intellectual competition, putting on display all the crinkles of his brain.
Of course, many women do not like to seem approachable and simple and try to interest their interlocutor with interesting intellectual conversations. There’s nothing wrong with that, it’s just that when it’s time to change the environment to a more informal one, and the flow of circumstances to a more romantic and sexual wave, there’s a real stalling.
Even if a man is interested in discussing intelligent topics with you (he has no other choice anyway), it does not indicate that he is ready to continue to play your intellectual game. Believe me, he has enough of these games in everyday life. And the impression that will remain at him after your meeting will likely be far from what you hoped for. You will remain in his eyes not a woman, but an intellectual and educated man. And the longer you will be flirting with this image, the harder it will be to destroy it over time.
Cold showers
There is another strategy that works very well to scare away men. When an attractive man appears near you, you begin to hide your interest and avoid him in every possible way. Usually this behavior looks like arrogant and totally disinterested.
By all means avoiding eye contact and pretending as if you do not notice your potential chosen one, you conditionally put an invisible, but nevertheless very cold wall between you then, when eye contact is not only a very sexual act, but also the first intimate contact between two people, a kind of invitation to further communication.
If the behavioral attitudes described fit you, you should think hard about them and take steps to urgently resurrect yourself from anti-sexual behavior. It is necessary to work well on the attitude towards yourself, redirecting your attention to your own merits, resurrecting from the dead gradually step by step your sexuality. Everything is within your power and only you can become sexy, attractive and worthy of men’s attention. No one will make you sexy and will not see you as such until you allow yourself to be such.
