Why do the people closest to you hurt the most? Their words and actions affect us more than injuries from strangers.
We are constantly trying to find an explanation for this, and such an explanation actually exists.
It is all about the law of the material world, which works regardless of whether we believe in it or not. It simply exists, and that law is this: the more love and happiness a person brings, the more pain he will cause.
After all, it is with loved ones that our emotions are most heightened and our souls most revealed. Therefore, any offense, the slightest careless word can be a real wreck for the seemingly already well-established happiness.
Who brings us the most pain?
The first pain probably comes from the closest people. And who can be closer than parents, who gave us life, the opportunity to be in this world?
Parents
Parents are a source of happiness and the most positive emotions for us when they support us, empathize with us. But at times when they scold us, say unpleasant things to us, do not do what we expect from them – they become a source of pain for us. We may feel disappointment and anger toward them, hatred but we don’t feel love for them at those moments. We may feel anything but love.
Partners
The more we love our partner, the more commitment we place on them. No, it’s not about sharing household responsibilities, it’s about moral obligations. We expect our partner to constantly prove his love And it is not even infidelity, but banal indifference from his side that gives us a lot of pain. This situation can be complemented spontaneously invented details, the reasons for a certain behavior of the partner, and the pain is only increasing.
So why is it all happening?
The answer lies in one phrase: “We are waiting on them. Yes, we constantly expect our partner to react 
the way we imagine and nothing else. We expect our parents never to rebuke us. We expect to always see a whole range of positive emotions on our loved ones’ faces, and we get very offended when that doesn’t match reality.
But what really happens?
Everyone strives to experience happiness. This is a perfectly normal desire, but not everyone chooses the right path to their happiness.
It turns out that by expecting certain actions from our loved ones, we require them to follow a script. It’s a scenario we invented ourselves, and we try to live it out over and over again. When our desires are shattered by reality, we feel pain. Pain that our loved one is not who we thought they were, that their actions don’t fit the script.
In that moment, we may feel anything but love for him or her.
With these mismatches the world tries to shout at us, it shows us over and over again that we are not with an imaginary character who is ready to fulfill our every whim, but with a person with his own emotions, desires, and peculiarities. But we continue to ignore this person, we don’t notice his needs, we don’t hear his words. We feel anything but love for him.
So what to do?
To remedy this situation, we simply have to open our eyes wide and look around us carefully. It is to look around us, not to continue to believe in the picture we have created for ourselves.
Learn to accept all the expressions of your loved ones with understanding and gratitude. Husband may not respond to your passionate story about the trip to his mom, because he is having a hard time at work.
A neighbor may not say hello because she remembered the iron was left on at home and is now in a hurry to get back. A child may bring a “C” for the first time because he was composing his first-ever poem in class, not drawing boring geometric shapes…
Before you get offended, get angry, start ignoring or insulting your loved one, stop. Think for a moment about what reasons might be driving them? Could it be that their behavior is also your fault? Be honest with yourself.
Practice understanding, hearing, and feeling your loved ones by doing a very effective exercise. You will need a piece of paper (perhaps several) and a pencil or pen. Divide the piece of paper into two columns and in the left column list in detail everything that offends, irritates, angers you in your loved one.
Is he always gloomy in the evenings? Write it down! On the weekends it is impossible to take him / her for a walk? He / she often raises his voice? You are not satisfied with his earnings?
Write down anything you feel you need to. Take the next page if necessary, don’t save paper. When you have finished, reread the list. Now in the right column, start writing the following list, which will show how you react to your loved one’s actions.
Is he moody at night? Are you nagging him into the night for it? Write, don’t be shy. He / she does not go for a walk on the weekends, because you reproach him / her all day that he / she is not so dressed / dressed / smiled, and in front of people ashamed? He makes little money, but you forget that you refused to move to another city when he was offered a promotion?
Answer honestly, write your true reactions. The right column is what your significant other sees. When you’re done, tear the sheets in half and burn the left column completely. And reread the right column carefully, analyzing it. Don’t try to contradict, to argue, just think about what you are doing. Without going back to his actions, think only of your own behavior.
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Analyze what you can change, and start changing today. This will not go away, and your loved ones will start to change. You will cease to be enemies, enemies, will end pulling the blanket over themselves. You will be loving people again.
Appreciate the love and closeness, take care of each other!
With love and faith in you, Maria Shakti.
