On how to become a happy man, has written many works, essays and books. Practical psychology has long been trying to answer this question, offering valuable advice to anyone who wants to change their life.
But, often these people have a problem: they simply don’t know what happiness is all about..
- Some people think they can’t be happy because they don’t have of wealth and lack of social recognition.
- Others believe that happiness is a family and having a partner.
- For others, the main thing is the opportunity to do what they love. And so on.
Let’s not argue that happiness is completely independent of money, a loved one, or a hobby that brings pleasure. That’s not the point. Very often we drive ourselves into a dead end with our desires. And it turns out that we do not lead them, and they lead us..
If you want to know how to love life and become truly happy, then the following information will help you.
What is happiness?
Happiness is a relative concept, as it is different for everyone. There is no single recipe for happiness, so people have to look for it on their own. And the big problem is that many people are looking for it in places where it does not and can not be. To try to answer the question of what happiness is, it is better to begin by considering what exactly is not happiness.
Many people spend almost their entire lives trying to earn money to buy things or goods. A person tries to buy expensive objects or a new place to live, may frequently change love partners, seek thrills, strive for power or social recognition even to his own detriment, etc.
But, as a rule, all these aspirations and specific achievements somehow do not make people happy. Perhaps temporary satisfaction will, however, not be enough. On the other hand, a lack of goods also makes many people unhappy. All in all, a vicious circle of sorts.
In fact, happiness is is the inner state of man, which does not depend on some things or circumstances.. It’s not easy to find it, but it’s also not easy to lose it, even if you lose something in your life. Happiness is something that is permanent, the result of the development of some skills and feelings. Something that happens within yourself regardless of what is going on around you.
Happiness is not a temporary euphoria, a burst of joyful emotions. Calmness, inner balance, complete contentment, and confidence are the components of happiness. Even if minor troubles occur in life, it can have no effect on a happy person. All because this state is within him and the surrounding reality cannot easily affect it.
Think about it: will the person become happy just because he moves to a new place. Perhaps he will feel better for a while, but those internal problems that are bothering him will still soon break out. It’s the same as running away from yourself-it makes no sense at all.
What makes a person happy?
According to the philosophy of Epicurus, happiness is not temporary and transient. It is not a fleeting pleasure, but a lasting pleasure. That is why it is not exclusively tied to the present moment. Memories, hopes, the past, the future, a life free of fear and suffering, all are components of a sense of happiness.. In addition, Epicurus clarified that happiness should not be confused with depraved pleasures. It is free from desires and is possible only in a state of peace of mind, serenity, peacefulness.
If you do not feel a little bit of happiness here and now, if you blame others and circumstances for your unhappiness, if you see only negative in everything, but do not want to work on yourself, then happiness will not come..
Perhaps you think that it is worth getting expensive things and other benefits, and everything will be fine. But, this view is wrong and will not lead to anything. You need to focus on your inner state. You can change it, which can not be said about some external circumstances and people around you.
What prevents you from being happy
Now we are going to talk about what a person should get rid of first in order to finally become happy. You may not even realize at first that there are many unnecessary things in our lives – things that take away our strength, positive emotions, productive thoughts, and make us perform unnecessary actions.
So, What are our own beliefs, attitudes, and thoughts that often get in the way of us feeling satisfied with life and ourselves?
- The Past. We are talking about experiences related to negative and perhaps even tragic events in the past. It is not an easy task to stop worrying, because a person can mentally return to the experience over and over again. By the way, worries can also be associated with positive events that brought joy in their time. In this case, there is also a danger. As we plunge back into happy memories and try to evoke the same joyful state, we forget about the present and the fact that there may also be a lot of beauty in it.
- Fear of the future. This is another problem that gets in the way of happiness. Because of fear of the future and its uncertainty, we may direct all our thoughts and actions toward obstacles that do not yet exist. We waste our physical and mental energy on incomprehensible things.
- Relating happiness to some kind of achievement. Perhaps you are familiar with the situation when you set a condition for yourself: “I will be happy or happy only if I have a big and rich house, if I find a high-paying job, etc. Setting yourself goals that are difficult to achieve and sometimes completely unnecessary is a false path to happiness. If you achieve what you want, the euphoria period will be very short, and you will raise the bar even more in order to feel the same moral satisfaction again. If, on the contrary, you have failed to achieve your goal, you feel deep disappointment. Why even think that happiness is the result, the final station, the reward? Happiness is the journey that is filled with experiences, feelings, emotions, events.
- The own creation of obstacles .. Some people believe that you have to pay for happiness, because it should not come too easily (otherwise its value will be low). It must be endured and waited for years. But, the effect is often the opposite. While we waste time, happiness passes us by. In this case, we keep ourselves from being happy.
- The conviction that you are not worthy of being happy. As a rule, this attitude is subconscious, so it is not only difficult to get rid of it, but even to realize it. There are many examples of this kind. For example, you have probably met women who have repeatedly connected their lives with alcohol addicts, pathological liars or despots. Or have seen more than once that an educated, intelligent and talented man constantly chooses a job that exhausts him, does not bring pleasure and generally futile. What to do? Analyze your behavior, be aware of your attitude and the mistakes you make under its influence. If you can’t do it yourself, a competent psychologist can help.
- Focusing on the negative. Quarrels, misunderstandings, obsessive thoughts, resentment, jealousy Envy, jealousy, anger, aggression and other negative emotions, thoughts and actions destroy a person and keep him from being happy. I recommend an article How to get rid of old grudges.
- Shifting Responsibility. A big mistake common to many people is to blame other people or external circumstances for their failures, their unwillingness to change their lives, to achieve success on their own. Such people do not want to change something in their life for the better, blaming the state, relatives, friends, bosses, and even strangers. Each person has their own life, so everyone is responsible for it individually.
Fighting the obstacles that we create ourselves is usually very difficult. And all because we tend to justify ourselves and feel sorry for ourselves. But one thing is certain: if we create our own obstacles to happiness, we can get rid of them ourselves. We only need to recognize our mistakes.
If you are on the path to happiness, you need to get rid of:
- Unhealthy habits.. Think about how much time, physical and moral energy you spent on addictions. They take away not only your mind, but also your health.
- Dependence on the opinions of others. If you do everything with an eye on the opinion of others, your actions will constantly be inhibited. Those who are afraid of looking “wrong” in the eyes of others do not allow themselves to be happy. You can never please everyone. But you can please yourself. Never let others take charge of your life (although this is a great strategy for those who are looking for excuses for not wanting to take responsibility for their own lives). However, in some cases, it is still useful to get an opinion about yourself, to hear constructive and non-offensive criticism. But, are you sure that the outside view of you will be unbiased and sincere? Even family and loved ones sometimes can’t be objective.
- The habit of complaining about everything and everyone .. If you constantly do so, then such a person really begins to attract failure. This is a kind of self-programming, because of which the person subconsciously seeks to do things that will make him complain again and again. It is necessary to get rid of this habit immediately. If you rejoice in even the smallest things, small pleasant events, then the energy of happiness will “stick” to such a person.
- Unnecessary things. It may seem strange at first glance, but disorder in things leads to disorder in the head. Get rid of what impedes you in life. Give things away to loved ones or those in need. That way you make way for something new.
- Excessive self-criticism.. No need to constantly dig in and blame yourself for something. Need to accept yourself for who you are – with all the shortcomings and virtues. And if you really something about you does not suit – take action. Instead of self-criticism, try to set goals and achieve them. Believe me, it’s much nicer than to constantly reproach yourself for their imperfections.
If you recognize yourself in at least some of these descriptions, you now know exactly what prevents your happiness.
What should be a person to be happy: tips
As previously stated, becoming happy means working on yourself, getting rid of unnecessary thoughts and actions. As clichéd as it may sound, everything is in your hands.
You are responsible for your own happiness, so start moving toward your goal right here and now. Here are a few tips to help you do just that.
Learn to relax and deal with stress.
It’s understandable that everyone faces life’s trials and emotional upheavals periodically. Often you can’t influence it, but you are perfectly capable of finding a way to detach yourself from your worries. That doesn’t mean you have to bury your head in the sand. On the contrary, look at the problem with clear eyes. If you keep pushing thoughts of unpleasantness deep inside, they won’t let you go, they will wear you down.
What should you do? Talk to your closest and dearest people about your problem. You can talk to a psychologist. The main thing is not to be alone with yourself when you are stressed, because negative judgments can overwhelm you.
Get a good night’s sleep, make time for rest and your favorite activities (reading books, playing sports, listening to music, beading, knitting, etc.). A chronically tired and exhausted person cannot be truly happy.. What not getting enough sleep would seem a real disaster, a well-rested person will not be so scary.
Cast aside doubts and do not regret anything
Do not blame yourself for what you did or did not do in the past. You can not go back and fix it all anyway, but to learn from experience is quite possible. Treat it as an opportunity in the present and future to do what you need to do.. Draw the necessary conclusions from your actions. Only those who do nothing make mistakes.
Find your true purpose
This, by the way, is not so easy to do. You may need serious work on yourself, an analysis of your inner self. Try to get rid of the stereotypes and opinions imposed by society.. Perhaps your true goal is not to work at the same job until old age, on weekends in the standard order of relaxing with friends over a “glass of tea” or to strive at least once to go to a comfortable resort abroad. Maybe you want to paint portraits, learn a new profession, start volunteering, etc. This is your life and you are responsible for it. If you’re not hurting anyone by doing what you love, then don’t listen to anyone. Find your source of happiness.. Be prepared for the fact that it will not be the same as that of most other people.
Smile more.
A constantly moody person is perceived as unhappy. If you smile, you will become more attractive and friendly in the eyes of others. It also helps to lift your spirits. Don’t be afraid to show positive emotions, laugh every chance you get. Laughter not only has a beneficial effect on health, but also helps to cope with stress and attract good people and favorable circumstances.
Appreciate what you have in your life
It is important to be grateful for everything that fate has given you. And it doesn’t necessarily have to be any special moments in your life. Believe me, Happiness is made up of small, but so meaningful little things. Give thanks for the things you think you need:
- Your family for taking care of you;
- your friends, for having you and taking the time to meet with you;
- The saleswoman, for her fresh bread;
- the driver – for his kindness and comfortable conditions of travel, etc.
You should also thank yourself and the circumstances that worked out in your favor. A good education, good health, the ability to choose – all of these things make us as happy as we allow ourselves to be.
Find a hobby that makes you happy
It’s hard to live and enjoy life when you don’t have a hobby. Even if you don’t think you’re good at anything, put those thoughts to rest. It may take you a while to find yourself. Maybe you enjoy taking pictures. Or do you feel dancing is something worth trying? All in all, there are plenty of options. Try different activities, attend different seminars and courses. When you find “yours,” you’ll feel it.
Make others happy
If you help those who will really need it, you’ll feel how good it feels. It doesn’t have to be material help (though that may be exactly what someone desperately needs). It is only important that good deeds should be done unselfishly, according to the dictates of one’s soul. It should not be narcissism and the desire to feel superior to those who need help.
Do not be afraid of the future
Do not be afraid of what the future holds. Your motto should be, “I’m doing fine now, but I’ll be doing even better. For the most part, we build our own future by setting goals, making efforts to achieve them, perceiving reality, and acting on our beliefs. There is no need to fear failure. Rather, think about what you can achieve, and genuinely rejoice in even small accomplishments.
Don’t expect people to give you what they don’t have to.
In fact, no one is obligated to try to make you happy. Even your nearest and dearest can do what they need to do. When you realize that no one owes you anything, it’s much easier to live .. After all, you too are free to act as you see fit in each case.
Happiness is a state that does not depend on circumstances or other people. It is the inner harmony, the coherence of my “I” with the world around me. Yes, sometimes there are situations in life that can disappoint us. But, they should not break us, make us feel insignificant and feel the imperfection of the world.
If you face life’s trials, let it be only a temporary condition. It’s just a reminder that with your inability to affect your circumstances, you are able to affect your sense of the world. You deserve to be happy!
With love and faith in you, Mary Shakti.
